In past generations, once one retired it meant life slowed down and a new course was charted in the direction of a nursing home.
What’s the difference now? In the last 30 years (the interval of a generation according to Ancestory.com) advanced medical care and improved lifestyle has created a generation of uber-vital retirees who feel 60 is the new 40. This applies to the bedroom too! These early baby boomers are interested in living life to the fullest and doing more of what they want, when they want. They have every intention of having their cake, or should I say, ‘muffin’ and eating it too.

I recently spoke with 82-year-old author and sex educator Dr. Betty Dodson on Youtube proclaiming that she is enjoying sex more than any other time in her life since she turned 70. Her view on sex and age— “I consider the 70s to be the youth of old age. So all you women out there who are afraid of getting older, just keep your orgasms in place, eat a lot of vegetables, take exercise and you’ll be fine.”

When queried, my mod-mature clients, friends and family members reported feeling like now is their time to really enjoy life. Where generations past were, at the same age, suffering the wear and tear of a lifetime of hard physical labour, modern life has left these scandalous seniors with energy to spare.I can personally attest to this as I attempt to keep pace with my septua- genarian deep-water workout buddies every morning!

Modern day retirees are also finding they are no longer plagued by the sex and relationship issues of their youth.
In growing older they have:
■■Gained emotional maturity;
■■Learned communication skills;
■■Discarded their body image issues;
■■Become clear about what they want;
■■Have greater appreciation for each other.

Practice makes perfect and is paying off for these frisky golden-agers. They report that the quality of their relation- ships is “most definitely better”. And I can tell you, better relationships equal better sex. All unresolved relationship issues show up as symptoms in the bed- room.

Game changers

Retirees who may have felt they origin- ally got married too young—many of them in their teens—are now single- tons once more. The ones I have spoken to are still hopeful of finding intimacy and excitement.“The thinking is different,” they say. “It may not have seemed right for a 65-year-old woman to be on the prowl a generation ago, but it is now the accepted norm.” Single seniors are found along with everyone else, browsing for potential co-adventurers on dating sites such as Plenty of Fish and Lavalife.

My own mother’s take on the subject is, “Age is a state of mind, we don’t feel old, why should we act old!” This new attitude indicates a positive change in our collective belief system surrounding ageing.

Combined with this new mindset,we now have a host of modern medical and holistic treatments for menopause and andropause (unheard of 30 years ago) available to reduce and in some cases eliminate symptoms completely. This leaves modern retirees free to enjoy the benefits of an empty nest. With fewer distractions and commitments they are capitalizing on a richness and fullness of life that their predecessors never dreamt of. On the adventurous side, I know of retired couples that have started to explore their sexuality more since their kids have left home. I am told an empty nest is a great place to entertain other couples.”

So, let’s applaud these trail- blazing post-mid-agers for, if not inventing sex, showing us that what we thought was the end is just the beginning.

Let’s talk about it

Written by NICHOLAS WRIGHT
nwright@cjnewsdesk.ca

Sexual health more than just check-ups

Sexual health can be a difficult concept to pin down.

If someone were dealing with poor sexual health, it would seem reasonable to assume that they are experiencing some sort of medical ailment. Issues like erectile dysfunction or dyspareunia (painful intercourse) could be regarded as strictly medical concerns, and be treated accordingly.

One would likely see a doctor, get diagnosed and be prescribed some sort of medication or treatment for their affliction.

However, the world of sexual health is rarely this clear cut and can often require attention beyond medical treatment.

David Hersh, a practicing sex therapist and relationship counsellor for over 30 years, said that there is an intimate and ongoing relationship between our sexual and physical health and our emotional well-being.

Hersh said that all sexual health concerns, emotional or physical, are ultimately inherently linked.

“(Sex) is simply not divorced from who you are,” Hersh said.

Along with this idea that sexual health is as much about our emotions as it is our physicality, Cheryl Swan, a Calgary-based sex therapist, explained that sex is actually not the primary topic of conversation during most of her sessions.

“Sex is addressed for sure, and it is usually the symptoms — that’s the sexual stuff.

“We look back and try to understand what is causing this (sexual concern), and it is never just about the sex,” she said.

Karen Barnes, a registered nurse at Mount Royal University’s health clinic, agreed that sexual health “goes into all parts of a person’s being,” but unfortunately it isn’t given enough attention by most people.

“We look back and try to understand what is causing this (sexual concern), and it is never just about the sex.”
- Cheryl Swan
sex therapist

“People aren’t forthright with that kind of information, even with health-care professionals,” Barnes said.

Swan said she thinks that people are often too busy to maintain their sexual health properly, leading to both physical and emotional problems.

“We spend too much time on the mechanics of life.”

Swan sees sex as a “more intimate form of communication” between individuals, and if this communication breaks down it can have ripple effect through all aspects of one’s life.

Being able to sit down with patients and speak in-depth with them about emotional issues involved with sexual health is important, but it is something most doctors and nurses simply don’t have the time to do, Barnes said.

If they were given more time to engage with patients, Barnes said that treatment would become a lot more comprehensive.

“I think people would be a lot more well than what we see within our healthcare system today, because we only focus on the physical aspects and treatment of things,” she said.

Swan mentioned that she has had clients who are doctors who have expressed their gratitude for professionals like sex therapists, because they are better able to address more complex issues with patients.

Unfortunately, sex therapists like Swan and Hirsh need to be sought out by individuals independently and their services may not be accessible for everyone.

This means most people must depend on the health-care system for help with tending to sexual health issues.

Along with the lack of time and resources many clinics face, Barnes said that it can be difficult to get patients to open up about their sexual lives.

“As a health-care professional you have to do a lot of digging in order to get to the bottom of things,” she said. “A lot of the times they won’t even get into the emotional side of things because they don’t want to deal with it with you.”

Barnes will encourage patients to find a friend or family member with whom they feel comfortable speaking talking to about their issues or suggest booking multiple appointments with a doctor to get the time they need to discuss their sexual health concerns.

“We do what we can.”

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Calgarians freeing their bodies in the nude
Published February 24, 2011  by Pamela Dixon in Urban Living

I take off my shoes and walk across the wet tile floor in my socked feet and reach for the locker’s cold aluminum door.

The door open, I can hide my chest as I quickly undress, slide my arms out of my jacket, and hang it up. My hands grasp the edge of my T-shirt as I slide it over my head. Next, my grey camisole comes off. Next is my bra.

Half undressed, the rest of my clothes — jeans, long johns and panties — practically fall off. I feel the cold, rigid air against my naked bum.

It’s my first time stripping down in a co-ed change room. It’s also my first time at a “naked swim.”

But, swimming is swimming, right? That’s what I’m thinking as I pull my hair into a ponytail.

Dave, the swim co-ordinator from Calgary’s Sunny Chinook Association, smiles and gestures to the showers. He, too, is butt naked. While he embraces his nude side, he wishes to withhold his last name because not all of his friends are aware of his nude lifestyle.

“There is a big stigma around it,” he says. “Sometimes, it’s better nobody knows.”

The 53-year-old’s first clothing-optional experience was during a vacation with his wife to the Dominican Republic’s Eden Bay in 2007.

“It’s the people that keep us coming back,” Dave explains. He still keeps in touch with vacationers they met from England and the U.S.

“At a clothing-optional resort, you’re not prejudging people,” he says. “Imagine going to Bankers Hall in a golf shirt and jeans amongst all the suits. You feel uncomfortable, but with the club there is none of that.”

Dave and I had arranged to meet at the Ambassador Hotel before the swim for a (fully clothed) interview in which we meet with Wilf Gendron.

Gendron’s first venture into public nudity was a trip to Hawaii.

“I had psoriasis before the trip, and after the trip it was all gone,” he explains. “Tanning in the sunshine got rid of that.”

His doctor was amazed at his recovery and encouraged him to keep up the new treatment.

“It’s a different lifestyle. It’s interesting how people gravitate towards it. Everyone has a different story as to how they got into it.”

Gendron’s girlfriend, Olga Karpova, was completely against the idea at first, but eventually warmed to it.

“You forget about being naked after a while,” she says. She has been a member of the club for a year.

The Sunny Chinooks Association was established in the ’70s and is always open to new members. The club offers seasonal camping and a monthly swim.

Walking out of the change room and into the hot tub, I take in my surroundings. Men and women as young as 18 and up to their late 70s are dipping their toes in the hot water.

We are all different shapes and sizes, but it doesn’t matter.

“You can’t help but take a peak,” Dave says. “That is OK, as long as you’re not staring.”

I think to myself, if this feels so natural, why aren’t we naked all of the time?

Sex therapist Cheryl Swan says that’s because North Americans are extremely body conscious.

“The media paints a portrait of perfection too much,” Swan says. “Look at mainstream television on any night. It’s all about how to get thinner.”

Internet ads on losing your belly fat get more clicks online than even sex sites, according to Swan.

“If perfect worked, they’d be happy. But they’re not.”

Society’s preoccupation with perfection is reflected in the fact that at any given time, 70 per cent of women and 35 per cent of men are dieting, according to the Canadian Mental Health Association.

“We hate ourselves too much to be naked,” Swan says, adding, “We’d all be happier if we were happy with what we’ve got.”

But in terms of sexuality it feels better to be nude than naked, says Swan. “Nude says comfortable, and feels good. Naked is stripped and vulnerable.”

Yogadown Studios has encouraged women to strip down for charity at its Okotoks studio, where members have held two naked yoga classes and had paid through a donation to the studio for charity.

Owner and instructor Alina McGraw was initially hesitant to host naked yoga, but her business partner encouraged her after experiencing the practice on nude beaches in other countries.

“I was surprised at the atmosphere of the studio,” McGraw says.

People had undressed as soon as they got into the studio instead of waiting for the instructor to give the go-ahead.

“It was like being a bunch of 12-year-olds at a slumber party. We were all looking around and giggling with our neighbours.”

After five minutes the novelty wore off. “We experienced a sense of liberation,” she says. “At first, it was different like everything. It started with a strange sensation, and then after some time it became normal yoga.”

The class was planned to avoid poses that aren’t flattering even with clothes on. McGraw’s inbox has been inundated with inquiries about the next class from both men and women, but she doesn’t expect co-ed naked yoga in the near future.

“Most guys react sexually to naked yoga, whereas when it comes to women it doesn’t come to that,” McGraw says.

“We come into this world naked and so quickly become uncomfortable in our own bodies. I never felt this comfortable in my skin before naked yoga.”

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by Emily Kreiberg, News Editor | January 13, 2011

Need to spice up your sex life with your long-time lover? Sex and relationship therapist Cheryl Swan offers the following advice for couples in a rut.

1. Beware the best friend trap One of the biggest dangers is getting too buddy-buddy and forgetting about your masculine/feminine energies. Swan says people often tell her they’re best friends, their relationship’s great in all other areas, but they don’t have sex anymore. One needs to be driven (present, goal-focused, open, principled) and one needs to be the muse (receptive, passionate, authentic, self-confident). These roles tend to slide when we get too familiar, Swan says. When we become best buddies instead of lovers, the sex goes downhill. This is true for same sex couples, too.

2. Communicate about the real stuff The weather, news, FB, TV and what colour to paint the kitchen do not count. Swan says. How much you are really communicating directly correlates to how much good sex you are having. In order to have good sex, open up. Sex is communication, just a more physical, and a more intimate form of communication.

3. Make quality time for each other When burnout strikes, sex is the first thing to go. Learn how to say no and create healthy boundaries with work and other life commitments. When you are together, be present with each other. Turn off the TV, phone and other distractions so you can really connect. You don’t want to become the new acronym, DINS (Double Income, No Sex).

4. Don’t take things too personally If there’s a problem in your sex life, bring it up outside the bedroom and be willing to work on it together, Swan says. Don’t bring the issue up in bed or just after sex, because negative things said when we’re in a state of arousal remain in our consciousness longer than usual. We’re basically in the same vulnerable mind frame in the moments before orgasm as in a hypnotic state.

5. Keep it consistently exciting “Scheduled sex doesn’t have to be boring,” Swan says. Research shows that as long as we have anticipation and variety, then it’s fine if we don’t have spontaneity. If we’re excited to be with our partner on Saturday at 2 p.m., and it’s not always the same routine, then scheduled sex can be a great thing. Keep surprising each other with interesting new things in bed. You are building a sexual history together. It is up to you both to make it worthy of your memoirs.